Happy New Year Everyone!

and why the fuck am I still writing this blog?

Happy New Year everyone, I've picked on writing again lately and have decided to give another shot at this blog, even though it's quite stupid and no one reads it. To catch any of you sad sad fuckers who actually do read this my writing partner and I kind of abandoned this blog a long time ago, it sat gothering dust when, the other day, I remembered it. So I'd log on and give it a whirl.

In other news, I'm single and ready to mingle, so you'll probably get a lot of posts on the types of people I meet and how horrifically it all goes, stuff like that, get ready to laugh at my inevitable failure. 

Onto my actual main topic of this evening/morning. (It's three in the morning in England and I'm still awake, this is total witchcraft.) Resolutions, I've drastically scaled down my resolutions this year because I never stick to them because I'm bloody lazy. So here they are:

1. Keep up with this BLOODY blog.

Once I get a little more used to the idea of people actually reading the things I write I maaaay but some pictures up of myself...oooo sexual....not those kinds of pictures.

2. Try and finish some of my art coursework so my teacher doesn't blow her top.

One day, I will tell you the story of how much she hates me.

3. Keep chewing gum with me at all time, because fresh breath is crucial for finding a man.

4. Find a man.

I know I said I was keeping them small but guess what? I fucking lied.

5. Take some more risks.

I mean like saying yes to more things, not sky diving while doing lines of cocaine off of a bible. Slanderous.

6. Have SEX.

Because it gets to a point where you start naming inanimate objects 'virginity' and then losing them so you can tell your friends that you've lost your virginity. Sad I know, but I'm sixteen and thinking about purchasing cats.

7. Stop swearing so much.

So, there you go. Lets so how long these last.

Don't forget to tell me what your resolutions are or something like that in the comments or something or some shit like that.

Tips to Get That Guy to Like You

1. Don't bother changing for ANY guy.

Sure it might get that guy to like you...for a while. But how are you going to feel when you let that disguise slip and he see's your proper personality? I mean, you can be you, and he can learn to like who YOU are. OR you can pretend to be someone else, someone your not, and get your heartbroken.

2.Be funny.

Guys like funny. But guy funny. Make sarcastic jokes but not in a snotty way, don't try to be too much like a guy, he wants to be dating a lady, not his brother.

3. Be sexy.

Not a whore. I repeat not a whore. Leave a LOT to his imagination, be flirty and fun. Show a little, not a lot. Low cut tops are okay so long as your not spilling out of them. NEVER wear dark eyes with dark lips. No one wants to go out with some vampire women. Guys want other guys to be jealous. No guy wants to be with some girl that he knows any other guy can shag.

4.Be awesome
This includes making the sandwiches. Don't let a guy walk all over you but don't walk over him, let him stare at that other girl's arse, so long as he's not licking it...You'll be the cool girlfriend, but be careful, know when he's looking and when he's window shopping

5. Look after yourself
Wash your hair, clean your teeth, shave. You know the drill, this shouldn't be a number on this list really, but you know...there's always one.

6. Don't be clingy
No guy wants a girlfriend who clings to him like a leech, don't check his phone everytime you see him (trust, if he's cheating he'll be sneakier then that) no going onto his facebook or asking him where he's been all the time, let him be with his friends, but also make sure to let him know that YOU'RE also a priority

7.BE YOU!
It sounds stupid, and if you're searching this you probably don't want to hear this one but the truth is you can't pull anyone if you aren't being yourself, there's no point getting a boyfriend when you have nothing in common or when you have to google everything he says because you haven't got a clue where 'there's a girl in the garden' is a quote from.

Note To Self

You know that little post about getting over someone?

It works, but when he comes back round to you, i said yeah.

Bad or good move?

Should We Pretend Nothing Is Wrong?

Well over the last few months I've been thinking, should we pretend 'nothing is wrong' or open up about all our problems. I think there should be a balance, tell close friends if something is upsetting you but don't tell the world all your problems.

However, recently with everything going on I've been feeling that my problems are insignificant compared to other peoples and I try to stay quiet about them although I normally just blurt them out anyway... But the only problem with staying quiet about things is that other people don't realise you have problems of your own, so they pile all theirs on you aswell.
I think if you are pretending nothings wrong you are really just hoping that someone will notice your 'silent cry for help' (so cliché), but if I've learnt anything its that nobody ever does so you will just spend a lifetime waiting for someone. You can't blame other people to though, because you yourself probably don't notice your friends problems either. The truth is we are all self-involved and self-obsessed, some more than others, but we have to make time for friends, be patient and observant so they don't feel like they are all alone.

If you've been let down by people in the past, I know I have, what you have to do is 'Build Walls'... this means not expecting people to notice so when they don't your not upset. Its a harsh way to live but the least painful.

-"To be immune from pain, you must be immune from love."

Steps To Getting A Boyfriend

The Introduction

The Talk

The Flirting

The Exchange

The Constant Talk

The Meeting

In my own personal experience there are around 6 steps to getting a boyfriend.

1. The Introduction
Obviously this is when you are first introduced to your future boyfriend. You generally don't think of them as your future boyfriend when you first see them and it can be weeks or months before you begin step 2.

2. The Talk

By 'The Talk' I just mean light chat, just the regular how are you etc. This can go on for a while until you are quite comfortable with the person. Obviously some boys are easier to crack than others.

3. The Flirting

The flirting bit can be interchanged with the exchange but usually this step comes first. It is literally just a bit more than general chit-chat. Maybe just a few more kisses on the end of a message or just little jokes ;)

4. The Exchange

The exchange is a lot less exciting than it sounds. Its not an exchange of vital information that will save the world... No its just a phone number.
The best way to get a boys phone number is to say "Sorry I have to go, Text me?" and which they reply "Yeah ok, What's your number?"... and its done. He has your number and, unless he's a dick, will text you and you will have his. Step 4 done.

5. The Constant Talk

The constant talk will usually occur soon after the exchange as you will be texting all through the day and night. But you don't need other people to know about your secret text pal so if they ask who your texting just say your having an argument with your sister or texting another girl friend or a guy friend who you're not close to. They won't be intrigued and therefore will not ask anymore.

6. The Meeting

The meeting will usually happen about a month/2 months after the exchange; that is if the meeting even goes ahead. When meeting up with your new 'friend', make sure you two are not alone. You don't want it to be awkward. So tell him to bring along some of his friends, preferably not dicks and take some of your friends along too. Preferably ones in a relationship or ones who aren't interested in dating, or some ugly friends. Shallow I know, but you want him to be looking at you, not them.

The best combination would be:
You
Him
His Best Friend
Your good friend who is in a relationship
Another friend who is average in every way
2 of his friends who everyone knows
And anyone else who wants to come

...unless they are stunning, have big boobs or like the boy you like; if they are any of them they are unwelcome.

But don't let on to the others that this is a meeting for you two, just say its a group of friends meeting up. If you can, don't even mention his name. You don't want the pressure of your friends saying.. "Go on, go talk to him!!" This seems to happen a lot.

Side Note: If he's seeming distant or not interested, he might just be having a bad day. Or your face makes him sick. You can't make him love you so if this is the kind of attitude your getting then move on before you get in too deep...

I will keep you updated on what happens ;)

How To Get Over Someone

Its over. He's dumped you. Its been say...6 months and he's ran off with your best mate.
Alllll you feel like doing is sitting and moping and crying. Theeennnn you feel like breaking the crap out of something. After that you feel like sabotaging his new relationship and finally your back to crying. How to you get over someone you spent nine months obsessing over? How?! HOOWWWW?!?!

Truth is, I've got no idea, but I do have some little tips to help you stop hurting quite as much:

1. Cry. Cry as much as you have in you grab a friend and cry with her, she'll hug you and tell you it will be fine and you'll scream NO IT WON'T and make her regret ever coming over to your house. But once you've found you physically can't cry anymore you can start moving on.

2. Music, music helps to illustrate how you are feeling. When you feel a little better put on your favourite song and go for a walk, instant mood boost.

3. Talk to other boys, yes, you still like him but truth is you always will but you can't make him love you. As much as you try, if you love something then you let it go. Chat with some guy mates preferably gay guys :D

4. Find a friend. The thing I miss the most about my ex was feeling close, I miss his hugs, I miss the way he stroked my hair, I still miss him a lot. So find a friend and get them to give you the biggest hug eveeeerrrrrrr!!!!

5.Distance. I really, really miss talking to my ex because we were really good friends.horrible fact here: you will NEVER get him back as a friend. You are the ex, the
bitch, the horrible girl he's going to tell his new girlfriends about. And that's why you need to delete his number and run as far in the opposite direction as possible.

That's all I've got so far children, but ill let you know what's happening every step. And remember NEVER hurt yourself over a boy. It's gonna hurt, its still hurting me because it will hurt for a long long time...but when you move on I know it's going to be amazing.

30 Girl Rules

The Golden Rules:

1. Chicks come before dicks!

2.Ex's are strictly forbidden when it comes to going out with. The only exception you can go out with a friends ex is: After the amount of the time the couple were together ( e.g if they went out for 6 months you WAIT 6 months.) you must request the jiblet's permission to go out with said male.

3.Every girl has to have guy friends whom she will never date (e.g the sensitive guy, the gay guy, the funny guy etc.)

4.If you wan't to date a friend brother it is required that you get said friends permission.

5. No girl is allowed to hang out with her friends boyfriend, ESPECIALLY behind your friends back.

6. No girl shall wear the same outfit or perfume as a friend when in the same place.

7. You are never to insult a friends boyfriend. Exception: If a guy cheated or dumped your friend is is exceptional for you to claim he isn't good enough, and that she deserves better as well as reminding her that he was an freak and a twat anyway.

8. Every girl must wait at least a day and a half before calling/texting a guy's number that she has received.

9. If a guy your friend is into asks for your number, you are to deny it and walk away, and/or slip him your friends number while saying, "I think she is more your type, you should call her".

10. In a case where a friend spreads a horrible rumor about a friend, and than apologizes they are to be given the cold-shoulder for at least 3 days.

11. In a fight between a friend and her boyfriend you must always choose your friends side.

12. When dating; a girl should find time to speak, comfort and hang out with her girl friends

13. Try not to insult your friend but never let your friend leave the house looking hideous. Find a better way to tell your friend how they look. E.g "I like your other top"

14. When a friend is drunk, never allow her to dial, drive, text or leave with a random guy.

15. When a friend calls you up complaining about how she is drunk and can't go home you must allow her to stay at your house, without letting your parents find out.

16. Don't be a hater. If a girl walks in looking gorgeous, girls automatically try to find something bad about her. But who knows? She could have just lost a friend, or got dumped, etc. So be nice and stop hating.

17. Chocolate is an acceptable food for any occasion.
18. A girl has a right to lie in order to keep a secret told to her by her best friend.
19. It is your womanly right to give dirty looks.
20. Two friends should not pull the same guy in the same night HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT LADIES!
21. Pulling more than five men in a lifetime does not make you a whore, however pulling five men in a week does.
22. All single girls are allowed to hate Valentines Day and bitch about it to their other single girlfriends.
23. Never may a thong/ G-string be worn with a short skirt.. There are things your friends do not need to see!

24. You are obligated to stop your friend from pulling a guy you KNOW she will greatly regret in the morning if they are drunk. In this case 'cock-blocking' is acceptable no matter what the stupid man code says.

25. If you have a picture of your friend on facebook and she dislikes it (and gives sufficient reason as to why she does) it is your duty to remove it.

26. A grey bra that is supposed to be white is not acceptable.

27. Food eaten while preparing other food has no calories.

28. If your skirt is short enough for the pockets to come out of the bottom, fellow females have the god given right to brand you a slag. However if you're ok with this feel free to wear the skirt, we need someone to bitch about.

29. A girl must not slap guys. Instead kicking him in the balls will suffice.

30. NEVER EVER say 'I love you' without meaning it.

>> http://bibleforgirls.blogspot.com/2011/04/introduction-to-girl-bible.html